Disclaimer

Heretofore and unto now, this blog, hosted weblog and blogger has relied exclusively on the blanket disclaimer provided by my employer (currently Oracle Corporation) and the corporate body of wordpress.com. While these kinds of disclaimers are usually sufficient to protect a blogger, host and employer from liability, it falls short when dealing with content that may be interpreted as offensive, confrontational, in likeness to others, web-bots with a mind of their own and readers/authors/other bloggers/corporations who are excessively paranoid about such content. With the above firmly borne in mind, I’m explicitly stating the following disclaimer:

http://brianoliver.wordpress.com (hereafter “this website”) will abide by, adhere to, accept responsibility for, endure under and act with respect toward the following: By accessing this website, a web browser (hereafter user) consents that s/he is familiar with, understands and absolutely accepts the following:

The views expressed by the authors on this website do not reflect the views of this website, those who link to this website, the company that from time to time employs the author(s), the author’s mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandparents, cousins, step relations, any other blood relative and the author themselves, this website’s web host, template designer, or any other organization, service, motto, logo, insignia or avatar in any way connected with this website. Any resemblance to real persons or companies, living or deceased, software, designs, artifacts, concepts with or without the same names is purely coincidental.

Comments on this website are the sole responsibility of the authors and the author will take full responsibility, liability, and blame for any libel or litigation that results from something written in or as a direct result of something written in a comment. However, the accuracy, completeness, veracity, honesty, exactitude, factuality and politeness of content and/or comments or the illusion of such are not guaranteed. All trademarks, service marks, collective marks, design rights, personality rights, copyrights, registered names, mottos, logos, avatars, insignias and marks used or cited by this website are the property of their respective owners and this website in no way accepts any responsibility for an infringement on one of the above.

The information in this website is provided “AS IS” with no warranties, and confers no rights. This website does not represent the thoughts, intentions, plans or strategies of my current employer. It is solely the personal opinions of the author(s). Inappropriate comments will be deleted at the authors discretion. All code samples (if any, ever) are provided “AS IS” without warranty of any kind, either express or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranties of merchantability and/or fitness for a particular purpose.

Although it may claim otherwise, this website does not offer legal, medical, psychiatric, veterinary, gynecological, archaeological, architectural, astronomical, astrological, ontological, paleontological, philosophical, axiological, audiological, bacteriological, mineralogical, criminological, terminological, dermatological, ecclesiastical, campanological, phrenological, phonological, technological, hematological, campanological, neurological, psychobiological, urological, ufological, typological, mythological, hydrological, xylological, zoological, logical or any other kind of professional advice.

Nothing on this website should be construed as professional advice including, but not limited to, the above list. The information provided on this website is of a general, broad, sweeping, large, wide-ranging, wide-reaching and wide-spread nature and cannot substitute for the advice of a licensed professional (or therapist if one is needed). A competent authority with specialized knowledge is the only one who can address the specific circumstances of your predicament after reading content.

We can try, but this disclaimer frees this website and the authors of any liability if negative consequences result from our efforts. Please contact your local bar association, law society, neighborhood association of jurists, medical board, county hospital, phone book, online directory, local emergency number in your jurisdiction, mother or Google to find a or obtain a referral to a competent professional. If you do not have reasonable means of contacting an attorney-at-law, lawyer, civil law notary, barrister, solicitor, medical professional, coroner or any other professional in the area of your inquiry, meaning you are possibly an orphaned, computer-illiterate social hazard, please exit this window and get your life in order.

This website has no control over the information you access via outbound link(s) in the post text, sidebar, header, footer or comment sections. This website does not endorse linked website(s), cannot guarantee the accuracy of any information found by following said links or the correctness of any analysis found therein and should not be held responsible for it or the consequences of a user’s use of that information.  If you are curious about the veracity of something you find, please follow the directions in the above paragraphs and consult the appropriate experts.

This website may inadvertently link to content that may be interpreted as obscene, prurient, useless, hate-filled, poisonous, pornographic, frivolous, empty, rotten, bad, disgusting, hostile, repulsive, virulent, infectious, malignant, antagonistic, irritating, obnoxious, harsh, embittered, rancorous, resentful, acrimonious, pestilential, baneful, noxious, toxic, venomous, pernicious, repetitive, beautiful, accurate or inaccurate. This website in no way condones, endorses or takes responsibility for such content.

This website publishes content regularly and said content is maintained in reference to the protections afforded it under local, provincial, state, martial, federal, international and mafia law. Publication of information found on this website may be in violation of the laws of the city, county, state, country or other jurisdiction from where you are viewing this website’s content and laws in your jurisdiction may not protect or allow the same kinds of speech or distribution. In the case that the laws of the jurisdiction where this website’s content is maintained and those of yours conflict, this website does not encourage, condone, facilitate, recommend or protect the violation of any laws and cannot be responsible for any violations of such laws.

Because the World Wide Web is an integrated net of communication, discussion and litigation, this website encourages the distribution of its content. Cross, reciprocal or just plain friendly hyperlinking is consistent with this information sharing and this disclaimer should not be construed as a condemnation of any linking practices. That said, any reproduction of this website’s content must credit the website by name and Uniform Resource Locator (URL). Should you link to this domain or use, reproduce, republish, regurgitate, repeat, reiterate, rebound, reecho, reverberate, mimic, imitate, parrot or duplicate the information contained on this website, you alone are responsible for that action and should, under threat of litigation, credit this website by name and URL.

This website is not recommended for inmates, ingrates or anyone professing an irrational fear of cats or any other mammal, those who have a penchant for time wasting, illiterates and lawyers.

Women (or Men) who are pregnant or may become pregnant or are nursing are advised to consult their partners and physician before reading this website. Eating before reading may result in unhealthy indigestion. Not recommended for people over the age of 120.

(Thanks to Heche’s for the this disclaimer. http://ledux.blogspot.com/2005/03/herches-blog-disclaimer.html)

7 responses to “Disclaimer

  1. can I use some of your discalimer? It’s really funny and I need some levity right now…

  2. I love this disclaimer. Probably one of the very few disclaimers that I read through :) Can I use parts of this disclaimer that are relevant to my work?

  3. I love this! May I use it too?

  4. The Doll Master

    This is ultra funny. May I use it too?

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